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  • Writer's pictureDandelion

Amor Fati

Updated: Nov 7, 2019

On silver linings and a love of fate...

When a very awesome sister of adventure told me she thought I would be more proud of my Mewstone swim than my Big Little row (or little big?) I paused to lodge this idea. And I have viewed this lodged thought for a couple of months, but not doing much with it. Yesterday I realised I agreed with her... and even more startling I told a different friend that I was glad I had developed serious hip issues. This is crazy. BUT, breaking myself and rebuilding myself made me realise that I was not a finished article which would go from a peak in my 'glorious' youth to a faded remnant. Learning to not only properly swim for my rehab but to swim wholeheartedly finally showed me of how much more there is we can pick up on this journey. It was this switching on that has fed my self esteem at moments of sadness or dispair, that has emboldened me to reach for all the things that mean something to me. So yes I am prouder of the swim my dear friend, I look forward to sharing this with you soon.

When I fractured my coccyx in February this year on route to both my Mewstone swim and my Cornish row I did not whinge once; I did not complain either outwardly nor inwardly. Honestly I really didn't! It was astonishing, but somehow serenely I viewed it in the same way I had learnt to view my hips. I let it act as a recalibration of my training and imminent challenges. I marvelled at how my stronger frame allowed me take my weight through my upper body. I listened to amazing podcasts and read some truly random books I found lying around. And after day one I experimented with ideas for rapid healing such as no painkillers to allow me to always stay on the safe side of pain, I listened intently to my body as these signals told me what I could and couldn't do, gradually sensing the increase in mobility and reduction of pain. I reassessed what was and wasn't important to me. And naturally disagreed with my husband when he made the assertation that obviously I'd never snowboard again!

Oh what will I be when I grow up? Where will I find myself in 10, 20 or maybe even 50 years time? Or should I go early like my beloved pa I will know I have lived fully all the time.

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